


J.K. Rowling Press Event

by Gman85



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bondage, Crack, Explicit Sexual Content, Large Cock, Multi, Not to be taken seriously, Relationship Tags are for Mentioned Relationships, various kinks mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 15:10:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18182192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gman85/pseuds/Gman85
Summary: J.K. holds a Press Conference and the fans invited are in for more than they bargained for.  They don’t remember the Harry Potter world being so… perverted, nasty, and crazy.





	J.K. Rowling Press Event

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this idea as a way to have some fun with the whole "J.K. Rowling says..." meme. It is not to be taken seriously at all. I love the World of Harry Potter and thank her for creating it. Though, like many, I kind of wish she would just stop posting "facts" about it on the internet. This fic takes it all to a very far extreme. I just hope I got the tags right... I am new here and still learning.

News Headline: J.K. Rowling, author of the hugely popular Harry Potter series spanning several books and movies, will host a Press Conference. She doesn’t want it to be too big so it is invite only through a raffle on the Pottermore site. So... Get to clicking everyone! And maybe you will be a lucky winner.

Time of the Press Conference.

Mediator: Settle down everyone! We are happy to have the amazing J.K. Rowling here today to share more about the wonderful and inspiring world of Harry Potter. It is good to see you Ms. Rowling. I, like everyone else here, just wanted to say how big of a fan I am of the Harry Potter books.  


J.K. Rowling: Thank you so much. I'm always happy to interact with fans. You are all to thank for making the Magical World so magical.  


*everyone gives a chuckle to contain their excitement*  


Mediator: Now then Ms. Rowling will be taking over from here. She'll pick out which questions to answer. Raise hands if you have a question.  


J.K.: Thank you so much. Now on to the first question. You there!  


Random Guy in the back: Is Hermione black or not?  


*The audience isn’t sure what to do. They are shocked he would ask such a question.  


J.K.: Ha ha! Oh. Seems we have a spicy one here. As I have said before. I never specified Hermione’s ethnicity. Just Frizzy hair and a bossy attitude. Now that isn’t to say Hermione wasn’t a physically disabled black girl. At the same time. Emma Watson really was a darling and so precious in the movies and very close to how I envision Hermione would be. My only complaint at the time was maybe her and the other two were maybe too pretty, but oh well. Next question. You.  


Eighteen-year-old girl in the middle wearing a Hermione shirt: What was Hermione’s sexuality? A friend of mine and I debated it.  


J.K.: I really love Hermione fans. She is such a great character that may or may not have been my self insert. Anyways. Hermione is actually Bi and with a preference for girls. She does love Ron very much and they are a wonderful couple, even if they will need plenty of marriage counseling and she probably would have been a much better fit with Harry. But then again what girl doesn't love a man who can make them laugh! Just ignore that there was little evidence of her ever actually finding Ron funny most of the time. Most young witches at Hogwarts bonded over mutual masturbation and other sexy exploits with each other. Part of the reason Hermione was so isolated at first is because she felt insecure with her body apart from just her Frizzy hair and large teeth. However, she came around eventually as she grew older. That’s why she starts to get along better with her roommates. Also *giggles*. Let’s just say Hermione and Ginny took plenty advantage of sharing rooms whenever she visited for the summer.  


Random guy in the back: Not going to lie... That’s kind of hot!  


J.K.: *laughs* See he gets it!  


*audience laughs uneasily. The girl from earlier was blushing and close to tears. She liked how Hermione was close friends with two guys and always helped them out and didn’t really fit in with the other girls nor did she need to for an enjoyable time at Hogwarts. She wasn’t sure what to think about Hermione only being that way because she wasn’t having sex with the other girls at first. *  


J.K.: When it comes to homosexuality, the wizarding world was particularly progressive by the time Harry started attending the school. Everyone knew how Dumbledore and Grindelwald were lovers. They respected Dumbledore so much because he could cast aside his feelings for the greater good. Such sacrifice was a foundation of his character.  


Lady in Yellow: How close were they exactly?  


J.K.: They had a particularly intense physical relationship. Filled with lots of hard cock and cum. Dumbledore nicknamed Grindelwald, Grindy. Dumbledore’s nickname was Double Open since he loved receiving. Albus also had a kink for receiving golden showers.  


Random guy in the back: Not going to lie… That’s really gross…  


J.K.: Awww… And here I thought you weren’t so uptight and overly sensitive like child. Speaking of children. Ron was caught by his mom eight times masturbating in two weeks one summer. After the eighth time, she sat him down and set him right on such behavior and due to her tremendous love and pent up sexual energy due to Arthur’s long hours, she let Ron use her as a way to get familiar with how the female body works and feels. Of course Ron was very greedy as a child, but Molly was filled with such love she was just glad to help her own family. She was always deeply filled lots of love and desires, that is why Arthur nick named her Molly Wobbles. When she was finished with her lovers, she could only wobble as she walked due to the intensity of the encounter. By the way she and Arthur have an open relationship, because Mr. Weasley knew if you really loved someone you let them roam free.  


*The audience merely started in shock. *  


Random member of audience: Did Voldemort---  


J.K.: Yes! He had a twelve-inch cock. Thick too. And tasty. He didn’t know what love was nor care to know what it was, but like any wizard, he had carnal desires. He also had a thing for expressing his power. He usually took his partners, always female and very attractive even if forced to be due to glamour charms, in the middle of Death Eater meetings. He made a habit of using females from his followers’ families, though they were always of age at least. Bella however was his favorite to use that way, because she was so fanatical and always willing. I’m not saying the play is exactly cannon, but if it was then he would have had a child with Bella. I didn’t have much to do with that play. I was just consulted with to see if their ideas meshed with how I envisioned the characters would be when they were older. I also wasn’t about to turn down their gracious offer of crediting me so much as thanks for inspiring them.  


Audience:  


J.K.: Yes. That is true. Voldemort did actually have plenty of hot kinky bondage sex with Hermione when she was held captive at Malfoy manner with the others. She was a beautiful young woman by then and represented everything that flew in the face of his beliefs. Beautiful, intelligent, powerful and muggleborn. So, he had fun covering her in cum while breaking her.  


Audience member applauded by this: Weren’t they there for just a short while?! How could that have happened?  


J.K.: It only seemed they were there for a short while because of how it was written. I changed it because I felt it would be too much for people to realize they were held captive for several days. Harry wasn’t immediately executed because of his well done disguise thanks to Hermione. Voldemort also loved power and what better way to show it than by breaking Harry's best and most important friend, Hermione? He almost did too. Let’s just say if it wasn’t for Dobby’s perfectly timed save, Hermione would have been more than willing to be Voldemort’s Mud-Blood sex slave. Hermione still had an extreme bondage kink after the encounter as a very deep and kinky submissive. She had to satisfy her needs elsewhere though. Ron was into little more than vanilla sex. He was still very much in love with her and I am glad I listened to my wish fulfillment and kept them a couple. Ginny helped Hermione out a good bit, but it was in fact surprisingly Draco Malfoy who really helped her there. They even had a secret encounter or seven while at Hogwarts in their later years.  


J.K.: Hermione actually has a tattoo of the dark mark on her back to remind her of those unexpectedly arousing and sexually gratifying times. Especially when Bella joined in on the fun of assisting Voldemort in breaking her. OHhhh Ooooo!!! Ahhhh…  


After a moment of silence.  


Mediator: Are you okay?  


J.K.: I’m more than okay. Sorry. I just get so excited and happy talking about the real version of the Harry Potter world. Just ignore how it was never mentioned in any of the books or shown in the movies.  


Lady in blue shirt: What were the bathroom behaviors of witches and wizards?  


*The audience was in silence about this. It was such an odd question that they weren’t even sure if it was really asked or not. *  


J.K.: The bathroom behaviors of modern witches and wizards are much the same as ours. As I said though, using Pottermore, earlier this year. Back in the eighteenth century before the introduction of plumbing, all witches and wizards relieved themselves where they stood. They simply vanished the evidence.  


Random girl in the back: Wouldn’t that get messy? Still? I mean, their clothes?  


J.K.: Most witches and wizards don’t wear anything under their robes. Even the Hogwarts school uniform is actually just the robes and they have three sets in case the get too dirty from weather and such. The uniform is not like the movies depict them. The only thing the students wore under their robes were their underwear at most. So, No. It wouldn’t be a problem. Nothing was there to get dirty apart from what they easily vanished. Fun little fact. When the plumbing was installed at Hogwarts, they almost discovered the Chamber of Secrets by mistake. Can you believe?!  


*Audience started looking to each other in shock at all of these revelations. *  


J.K.: Also, Severus Snape was actually a transgendered single parent with one child. The one child was a girl with sallow skin, green eyes and deep red hair. Lilly Evans may or may not have been the mother from an intense highly consensual encounter they had the night before she was married wanting to give herself, heart and body, to her true love. She was actually, in that one brief period of time, fully clear minded and with the one she really loved. After the encounter, the illegal dark enchantments placed on her by the Potter family, who is actually very secretly evil besides Harry, took effect again and she went to her wedding the next morning perfectly happy and feeling loved without remembering the night. That was the real reason Snape still kept loving Lilly all of those years later and was actually the best parent in the whole world and also why he wanted to look into Harry’s eyes as his last request. He wanted to see Lilly’s eyes which perfectly resembled their daughter’s eyes. He also only hated Harry because he knew what James had really done to Lilly Evans and Harry was the product of those terrible things.  


Random Guy in the Back: Not going to lie… That seems completely unrealistic and not at all portrayed or even hinted to in the movies or the books. Or even the website! Is this for real?  


J.K.: First of all, it could happen because magic! Second of all who are you, sir. To tell me, the author of the series, what really happened or didn’t happen? I bet you all didn’t even catch the whole highly sexualized relationship between Hermione and Dobby. He actually had a 9 and ¾ inch dick that was thick with a massive head, very gigantic for a House elf. One of his duties under the Malfoys was to satisfy Narcissa once Lucius, who was actually a pre-mature ejaculate unlike his son who had massive and thick cum and plenty of it, was finished and couldn’t get her off. Dobby actually had fond memories of those times with the Malfoys. Narcissa, like all women in the Black Family, had a lot of kinks she was into. Yet I bet you all didn’t catch how Hermione gave her virginity to Dobby during fourth year due to his kindness of cleaning Gryffindor when the other House Elves wouldn’t. It was also her way of trying show how sorry she was for the sins of the Wizarding World to House elves and she encouraged him to use her as roughly and often as he wanted. That is also the reason why Ron never really satisfied her despite their truly wonderful and not all forced into the story love for one another. He only had a three-inch dick. All of their children are actually Charlie’s and Ginny’s. Ginny was more than just accomplished with her Bat Bogey Hex. She also had a spell that gave her a nice thick and veiny 10 inch cock. She made great use of it during all of her Domination sessions with Hermione. Ginny actually learned from the best in that Regard. Harry is very dominate in the bed room with a thirteen-inch cock. She actually caught a glimpse of it before he went to Hogwarts in a magically enhanced dream and that was the only reason she may or may not have seemed to be just a fan girl.  


Random Guy in the Back: That part about Lucius was actually kind of funny. Also… Not going to lie… Hermione and Ginny having hot bondage sex is very hot!  


J.K.: However! The biggest reveal is… That you, the reader, was gay all along whether you are in a heterosexual relationship or not. Bet you didn’t know that either!  


The Audience just sat there completely stunned. Their childhoods were ruined. Everyone they talked to afterwards about the experience merely shook their head and said, “She’s been like that for a long time now. Years even. We told you it was a bad idea to go to that press event.”


End file.
